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Caving

by National Service

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about

Thoughts from Fintan on ‘Caving':

It was written at a time when I was getting crushed under the weight of my own expectations. Pressures I put upon myself and commitments I made at work, at home, with music and with friends. I wanted to be smashing everything - you know that nonsense about living your best life? I don’t subscribe to that, but on some level, it gets to you. Never saying no to anyone or anything, never stopping; constantly active, thinking, chasing. Dreams, goals, ambitions, success. If I can just make it through these next three months, everything will be good. I’ll slow down, stop maybe and just begin enjoying it all. Just one more push until I’m settled and happy. But it never comes, because every time you get there, you readjust the goalposts and everything shoots into the distance again. It’s this purgatory and this perpetual feeling that you’re not good enough yet, but you will be if you try just a little harder for just a little longer. Never content, never finished.
It gets to the point where you don’t even know where or who you are anymore.

But I’m not alone, everyone’s got dimensions and layers to them: they’re different things to different people. Being the best boyfriend isn’t the same as being the best employee or being the best friend or son - or even the best guitarist or singer, you know? They all require different tact. Most of all, they all need time. Everything’s a time commitment, and I guess it’s about balancing all of that so you’re happy. But that inevitably means some things will have to give and maybe I’m just too scared to make those decisions. I just don’t want to f*ck it up and be one of those old men who looks back on their life all jaded and embittered because it didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to.

I guess that’s all about growing up a little and realising you can’t be all things to everyone. Sometimes we all make mistakes and it’s okay; nothing’s ever perfect, even if it might seem that way to others.
Maybe I should cut myself some slack.

lyrics

I’m far too tired for this
I haven’t had a decent sleep in days
I’m overthinking when I should be happy doing something mundane
But I’m too busy thinking about the long run
That I rarely find the time to enjoy today
And before you know it, I’ll wake up at forty,
having achieved nothing and enjoyed none of it
So maybe I should cut myself some slack
I try to keep telling myself to have a rest
As if I’d never thought about that,
And it’ll sink in slowly this time round
Over and over I dream that I wake up,
far away from this
But I’m far too tired and far too cold,
that I don’t think I’d stand a chance
‘Cause it’s too easy thinking about the long run
But it’s hard to get a hold of yourself
Did you enjoy today?
‘Cause before you know it, we’ll wake up at forty,
having achieved nothing and enjoyed none of this
So maybe I should cut myself some slack
I try to keep telling myself to take a rest
As if I never thought about that
As if I never thought about that
There’s no way out of this
As if I never thought about that
As if I never thought about that

credits

released November 13, 2020
Produced by John Bisset and National Service
Mixed by Eduardo De La Paz
Mastered by Pete Maher

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about

National Service London, UK

NATIONAL SERVICE are 3 friends who started making music together at school. In the last 15 years the members have performed and released music under various guises. Having settled in London to study at Goldsmiths College, singer Fintan Campbell met guitarist Iain Moore and started making music together. Since then the project has been through several iterations before finding it’s feet in 2017 ... more

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